IFS (Internal Family Systems) is gathering much interest due to the fact that it makes sense and speaks to people, and, therefore, both professionals and not want to know more about it..

While the basic idea that we are made of parts is quite easy to digest, there are other aspects of the model that remain a bit mysterious. Anybody who digs into IFS reading and training will come across the concept of “Self-like parts”. In this article I aim at clarifying what these parts are as much as I can.

To understand the idea of Self-like part, one needs to have a quite clear idea of what parts and Self are. You might want to refer to these articles of my website to clarify/refresh your memory before you read on as I will assume that you know what parts and Self are in this article.

• Article on Self - click here

• Article on Protectors - click here

• Article on Managers - click here

• Article on Firefighters - click here

Self-like parts are protective parts

Let’s start with the first step to demystify Self-like parts. They are parts and, as such, once they are encountered during and IFS session, they are to be addressed like all other parts, i.e. with respect and curiosity. What is peculiar about these parts is that they are convinced to be the Self and they come across as Self.

This particular type of part is almost always a “manager” that can carry and express quite a lot of Self energy to the point that it might be confused for the Self. To a certain extent, it is quite reassuring that such parts exist and, in some circumstances, it does not matter whether we are dealing with a Self-like part or with the Self.

We need to make a distinction here between IFS as a healing/therapeutic modality, and IFS as a way to understand human functioning so that people can live a fulfilling life. I am going to describe Self-like parts in the context of everyday life and in the context of therapy because I believe this is key to understand what these parts are.

Self-like parts in everyday life

From the perspective of IFS being a way of functioning in the world, we are almost always blended with one part or another to go through our daily life (some people might disagree with this, and I am not claiming to have the “final word” on this). The Self, in my understanding, is a state of consciousness and a state of being that requires parts to execute actions and interact with the world. As you can see, being in Self might not be conducive to everyday tasks, for which we need highly functioning parts that can carry out tasks with as many of the C’s qualities of Self as possible.

When we work, drive, eat, sleep, make love, play, we can do it in line with our Self energy, or not. When act from a state that is not in line with Self energy, we usually say, in retrospect, “that wasn’t me”. This is common when we lose our temper, when we act out of stress and other factors.

Imagine now a different scenario. This for a moment that you have done an amazing work for a charitable cause that really moves your heart. Something that has helped people receive money and support they really needed. Your parts might have carried and expressed lots of Self energy to complete the task. In this case, you are not going to look back and say “that wasn’t me”, but you probably feel like your parts have done a very good job at expressing your Self energy. These were, in my opinion, Self-like parts that did a very good job and, to a certain extent, we might not need to differentiate between Self and Self-like parts in this case.

Self-like parts in a therapy session

During a therapy session, when working with deep seated burdens, we need to access the full breadth of Self, and it is therefore important to detect whether we are dealing with a Self-like part or with the Self.

Self-like parts are genuinely convinced that they are the Self. They are highly functioning parts that can easily “learn the IFS model”, and that can go ahead and “do it”. These parts usually handle other parts by asking them the right questions, by being curious and understanding of the part that they are talking to.

These parts are usually managerial parts, and I have noticed that they do not do much compassion or open-heartedness. They follow a protocol to give space to the part that is under interview, but some qualities of Self are missing. If the part being interviewed is not too burdened, and the therapist offers enough Self energy, the part being interviewed might receive the Self energy needed make a shift. In these cases, the Self-like part has done a good job and we do not need to worry about it any longer.

When we are dealing with parts that absolutely need to have a sense that the Self exists, then a Self-like part might not be enough. The therapist who encounters a Self-like part needs to approach it with care and respect and, if not sure, speak to a supervisor about it before approaching the part and sharing the idea that the part believes to be the Self, when, in reality, it is not. Care is needed in this case and the therapist needs to be cautious.

Self-like parts and IFS therapy on your own

I am going to conclude this article by mentioning Self-like parts when we do IFS therapy on our own. Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS, often says that he cannot do IFS on his own. This is a testament of how difficult it might be to actually do IFS without the help of someone else.

I tend to agree with Dick’s statement and I have certainly experienced it myself. Sometimes I identify a part that needs to be worked with and I start asking it some questions, but nothing really changes. Despite being sure that I am “in Self”, the fact that nothing shifts and changes shows me that I am not in Self, but, instead, I am blended with a very good-willed Sell-like part that can do the IFS steps, but that cannot open its heart to the pain and distress that the interviewed part is feeling.

In Conclusion

I hope this article has shed some light on this mysterious topic and that you have some idea of what Self-like parts and, and on how to relate to them. If you liked this article, please leave a “like” here or leave a comment. Even better, please share it on social media and with anybody interested in the topic.