One of the key aspects of IFS Therapy is the process of healing an exile.
Those who have been to IFS trainings, or have watched videos and demos, know that unburdening can determine long-lasting changes in the inner system. Unburdening (and by this I mean the full healing process that can be found in IFS publications) is a profoundly healing experience, which, in line with official IFS guidelines, should only be attempted by professionals who have completed an official IFS Level 1 training.
In this article, I am going to focus on a not-well-known aspect of unburdening, i.e. that it can happen to various degrees of depth.
Paying attention to the “Self-to-Exile” connection
The healing principle of IFS is often confused with unburdening. To make it very clear, the healing principle of IFS is the creation of a stable, deep and loving connection between Self and parts (be these parts exiles or protectors) so that the system starts relying on the leadership of Self.
When we engage in the process of healing an exile, it is the quality and depth of the Self-to-Exile connection that determines if and to what extent a part unburdens, updates, takes on new qualities, finds a new place/role in the system, and the system integrates this change at all levels.
It is important to keep in mind that protective parts need to give permission to access the exile prior to the healing process. What I am describing is this article is something that can happen when working with an exile once protectors have given permission to do so.
For the client, remaining in Self throughout the whole healing process is not easy to achieve, and, therefore, the interventions of a therapist can help in two key ways
Making more Self energy available to the system
Act as a “part detector” to increase the amount of Self energy available to the client
What happened to me recently is that, during one session, despite going through all the steps of healing as per the textbook, the result was not a full healing. The exile was witnessed, retrieved, found a new connection with Self, and took in some new qualities. The client felt relief and something shifted; yet, upon deeper investigation, we realised that the exile had not told the whole story.
The Self-to-Exile connection was definitely there, but it was not full. Probably some of my therapist parts were activated and, as they were seeing all the “textbook steps”, I did not detect parts as well as usual. My therapist parts that oversee “the correct use of the model” were happy to see it unfold… and something was missed.
At the same time, the client had parts that were quite pleased with how the exile was responding (these are the parts that want results and shifts), and, without no one noticing, some of the client’s Self energy was not accessed.
Is the amount of Self energy enough for full healing?
This leads to a key question throughout IFS… how much of the client’s Self is there, and, in general, is there enough Self energy for the Exile to show all that needs to be witnessed?
I have been wondering for a while whether systems can take Self energy from the outside world, and, even if I have not seen it written in official books, I would say that the answer is yes. Dick Schwartz says, in “Greater than the Sum or our Parts'“, that the Self needs a certain hardware to fully function and, therefore, it cannot fully be there during childhood… which is when, I believe, we depend on the Self energy of the people around us. I would also add that contact with nature and and other activities give the system and way to take in Self energy.
It is also a known phenomenon that amazingly deep healing happens during demos at IFS trainings when all the trainees and the trainer “lend” their Self energy to the system. As I write this, I am inclined to consider that the healing potential of a session is given by the sum of the the client’s and therapist’s Self energy present in that moment.
The main reasons why a part might not unburden and heal fully, can therefore be
The presence of therapist’s parts that diminish the therapist’s Self energy
The presence of client’s parts that, although having positive intentions, execute the healing steps instead of letting Self handle it
The need for longer time and for more than one session
Let’s have a quick look at both.
Therapist’s parts
These are the parts of the therapist that can lead the therapeutic interventions during sessions. These parts can be full of Self energy, and all therapists are encouraged to get familiar with these parts.
Depending on the situation, a therapist might speak for these parts in session, or ask them to step back during the session. Clinical consultations are the best place for therapists to get to know these parts that want so badly to be the best for the clients. In addition, therapists can get to know these parts through meditations and other forms of reflections.
Anybody with training in counselling or psychotherapy might have read a huge amount of literature regarding the therapist’s reactions to the clients, and each professional might have their own unique way to deal with them. What’s important is that these parts are identified and dealt with.
Client’s “healing” parts
Healing is a spontaneous process. When we have a little scratch, our body heals it and there is nothing we need to do or worry about. The same applies to inner wounding. Once Self and a part are in contact, healing happens spontaneously thanks to the innate wisdom of Self that knows what to do to help a part heal, and thanks to the part knowing what it needs to heal.
While IFS offers clear steps for healing, that clarity lends its hand to managerial parts that like to be “healers” (or equivalent). These parts want to follow steps and procedures as opposed to letting the Self lead the way. One of the C’s of Self is creativity, which means that Self can create what is needed to heal a part, even if this might not be in adherence with the steps of healing. It is only when both the client’s and the therapist’s parts surrender to the wisdom and creativity of the client’s Self that healing can happen fully.
If “healing” parts follow the steps, know how to respond to the “how do you feel towards” question, ask the right questions to the exiles, etc., they are likely to lead to some healing, but, unless Self is involved, that healing will not have reached the full potential. If this is the case, it simply means that the part can be contacted again when more Self energy is available.
The need for more time
Frank Anderson state, in his book “Transcending Trauma”, that witnessing and exile can take more than one session, and even months. I strongly suggest that the reader refers to section on the steps of healing in his book for examples of what full healing looks like.
While it is important to know the main reasons why healing might not happen fully in order to recognise them, it is also important to remember that
We can ask the parts directly if they are still carrying burdens
We can always go back to parts and check if they need anything else
The system holds the wisdom of the pace at which healing can occur, and it is OK to not do a full healing if the system is not ready for it
In conclusion
In this article I have touched base on some of the reasons why the process of healing an exile (and any part, really) might not be full. These reasons lie in the presence of parts in the client and therapist’s systems. These parts are all very eager to help the healing process and, like many managerial parts, their loving and caring intentions do not lead to the best possible outcome.
Realising the presence of these parts can be unpleasant at first, but it has the potential to deepen the healing potential of therapy sessions.
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