The podcast explores shame, differentiating it from guilt.  Shame is the belief that something is inherently wrong with oneself, leading to hiding and social withdrawal. It differs from guilt, which focuses on actions rather than identity. 

Alessio expresses some dissatisfaction with existing frameworks and introduces the concept of “queering shame.”

The podcast opens with introductions, revealing the speakers’ diverse backgrounds and expertise in IFS therapy and LGBTQ+ issues. 

The central theme revolves around the pervasive influence of the gender binary and its detrimental effects. 

The discussion uses a compelling metaphor: a smoky bar where those conforming to the binary are smokers, comfortable in the toxic environment, while those outside the binary are non-smokers…

This episode begins with introductions by Alessio and Jude, who establish their backgrounds as IFS therapists with a focus on neurodiversity and queer clients. 

They then introduce the core question: is the Self, in the IFS model, queer? They immediately acknowledge the complexity of this question…

The podcast discusses a significant gap in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: the lack of open discussion regarding healthy sexual expression. Ali, a therapist specialising in IFS, argues that the field historically avoided discussing sexuality due to its roots in sex-negative cultural and religious norms.

Defining the Self in IFS

The conversation begins with an exploration of the Self within the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Alessio and Jude acknowledge the difficulty in providing a definitive explanation of the Self, highlighting the lack of a single, universally accepted definition within the IFS framework. They explain that a common misconception is the pursuit of a state of complete unblending from parts.

This episode delves into the complexities of pronouns within the context of IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, particularly for queer and neurodivergent individuals. Jude and Alessio discuss the importance of respecting client and parts pronouns, share personal journeys with pronoun usage, and offer practical guidance for therapists on navigating this sensitive topic with clients. The conversation highlights the fluidity of gender identity and the potential for misgendering to cause harm, emphasizing the need for curiosity and respect in therapeutic practice.