Queering IFS - Episode 9 - Queering the Social Model of Disability in IFS

---

Key Points

The social model of disability views disability as a societal construct, not an individual deficit. Physical and societal barriers create disability.

The medical model focuses on individual deficits, requiring diagnosis and treatment to address limitations.

Both models are deficit-based, but the social model emphasizes societal change for inclusion.

Labels can be positive or negative, depending on individual and societal context.

Cultural backgrounds significantly impact perceptions of disability and the effectiveness of both models.

Internalised societal expectations create additional burdens for individuals navigating disability.

---

Summary

The Social vs. Medical Model of Disability

The podcast discusses the social and medical models of disability, highlighting their similarities and differences. The social model emphasizes how societal barriers create disability, focusing on structural changes for inclusion rather than individual remediation. In contrast, the medical model views disability as an individual deficit requiring diagnosis and treatment. The speakers note that both models are, in a way, deficit-based, one highlighting societal failures and the other individual limitations. This presents a nuanced perspective, avoiding a simple binary opposition.

Cultural Influences and the Power Dynamic

The discussion extends to the significant influence of cultural backgrounds on how disability is perceived. The western emphasis on individualism contrasts sharply with other societal approaches. This creates a power dynamic where individuals must constantly advocate for themselves within systems not designed for their needs. The medical system, steeped in the Western model, reinforces this power imbalance through diagnoses and treatment plans. This system, often rooted in a narrow definition of normalcy, can further marginalize and traumatize individuals. The speakers emphasize that even the diagnostic tools themselves reflect cultural biases.

Internalised Expectations and Trauma

Internalised societal expectations contribute to the burdens faced by individuals with disabilities. The constant pressure to conform to neurotypical norms leads to burnout and internal conflict. The struggle to be accepted and the fear of rejection further compound this. The discussion illustrates how these internalized pressures become additional barriers. This internal conflict often goes unseen. This creates a significant impact on mental and emotional well-being. The speakers underline the significance of creating supportive spaces where individuals can be accepted for who they are without pressure to conform.

IFS and the Experience of Disability

The conversation connects these concepts to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Within IFS, parts of the system internalise societal expectations as burdens, creating internal conflict. Therapy can help to address these internalised burdens. This can help to support individuals in navigating external societal pressures and find acceptance. The podcast highlights the importance of therapeutic spaces that validate and support individual differences. The discussion concludes by emphasizing the interconnectedness of social, medical, and internal processes in the experience of disability.

Main points of the podcast

00:00 Welcome and Introductions
The hosts, Alessio and Jude, introduce the podcast and their special guest, Isabelle, setting the stage for a discussion on the social model of disability. Each participant shares their identities and backgrounds in the context of IFS and neurodiversity.

03:56 Diving into the Social Model of Disability
Isabelle shares her excitement about the social model of disability, emphasising that disability is a societal construct rather than an individual flaw. She discusses the impact of structural barriers and how society perceives differences as impairments.

06:43 Contrasting Models: Social vs. Medical
The conversation shifts to comparing the social model of disability with the medical model, highlighting how both perspectives often focus on deficits. Isabelle and Jude explore the implications of labels and how they can be both helpful and harmful.

10:03 Cultural Perspectives on Disability
The hosts delve into how cultural backgrounds influence perceptions of disability, particularly contrasting individualistic versus collectivist societies. They discuss the societal expectations that shape how disabilities are viewed and treated.

15:02 The Intersection of Medical and Social Models
The discussion continues with a deep exploration of how the medical model is intertwined with societal norms and expectations. The hosts reflect on the trauma faced by individuals navigating these systems and the complexities of seeking validation.

23:00 Access Fatigue and Self-Advocacy
The conversation shifts to the concept of access fatigue, where individuals must continually advocate for their needs in a society that often overlooks them. The hosts discuss the differences in accessibility and support across various countries.

30:02 Finding Community Among Neurodivergent Folks
In this chapter, the hosts discuss the sense of belonging that comes from connecting with other neurodivergent individuals. They explore the relief of being in spaces where one doesn’t have to constantly advocate for their differences.

31:03 The Impact of Support on Disability
The conversation shifts to the importance of support in understanding disability, particularly in the context of neurodivergence. They reflect on how a lack of support can transform differences into disabilities, emphasizing the need for awareness and understanding in therapeutic settings.

32:40 Navigating Neurotypical Expectations
The hosts delve into the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in a neurotypical world, particularly in work environments. They discuss the societal pressures to conform and the internalized beliefs that can lead to burnout and feelings of inadequacy.

36:12 Privilege and Adaptation in Workspaces
This chapter highlights the role of privilege in shaping work experiences for neurodivergent individuals. The hosts discuss how adapting work environments to fit individual needs can shift challenges into manageable aspects of life.

39:03 Invisible Burdens of Neurodivergence
The conversation touches on the often invisible struggles faced by neurodivergent individuals, such as the social dynamics in workplace settings. They reflect on the missed opportunities and the emotional toll of needing to conform to neurotypical expectations.

42:01 Breaking the Cycle of Internalized Expectations
In this chapter, the hosts discuss the internal battles faced by neurodivergent individuals when prioritizing their needs over societal expectations. They explore the consequences of neglecting self-care in pursuit of acceptance and success.

45:12 Reflections and Future Conversations
As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the importance of discussing these topics and how they challenge traditional views on disability. They express gratitude for the opportunity to share their insights and hint at future discussions on related subjects.

Queering IFS - Episode 5 - Queering sexuality in IFS - the P of passion with Ali Bushell

---

Key Points

Therapists should address clients’ sexual desires and experiences openly and without judgment. Avoid pathologizing healthy sexual expression.

Unburdened sexual dynamics involve self-led connection, consent, and mutual pleasure, distinct from burdened experiences driven by insecurity or unmet needs.

Creating safe and structured environments, like Ali’s sex parties, can facilitate healthy sexual exploration and connection. Clear rules and boundaries are crucial.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help clients identify and process past trauma affecting their sexual lives.

Therapists should avoid imposing their own moral judgments on clients’ sexual desires or experiences. Focus on client needs and experiences.

Open dialogue about sexuality is crucial in therapy, addressing internalised homophobia and queer hatred.

---

Summary

The Absence of Sexual Health in IFS Therapy

The podcast discusses a significant gap in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: the lack of open discussion regarding healthy sexual expression. Ali, a therapist specialising in IFS, argues that the field historically avoided discussing sexuality due to its roots in sex-negative cultural and religious norms. This avoidance leads to a focus on problematising sex, addressing only issues like porn addiction and Chemsex, without providing a balanced perspective on healthy sexual experiences.

Defining Unburdened Sexual Dynamics

Ali introduces the concept of “unburdened” sexual dynamics, contrasting them with “burdened” ones. Unburdened dynamics are characterized by Self-led connection, consent, mutual pleasure, and the absence of underlying insecurities or unmet needs. Conversely, burdened dynamics stem from past trauma, negative self-image, and societal pressures. The discussion explores the difference between “wanting” and “needing” in the context of sexual desire, highlighting the importance of distinguishing between biological drives and learned behaviours.

The Role of Self-Energy and Connection in Sexuality

The conversation explores the interplay of Self-energy, parts, and connection in sexual experiences. While parts play a role, Self-led connection is paramount for healthy sexual expression. This involves alignment between the Self and the parts, as well as mutual consent and presence with partners. Ali’s personal experiences illustrate the dramatic shift from burdened sexual encounters characterized by insecurity to Self-led ones filled with passion and mutual affirmation.

Creating Safe Spaces for Sexual Exploration

Ali’s experience hosting structured sex parties highlights the importance of creating safe spaces for sexual exploration. Clear rules and boundaries facilitate relaxation, mutual respect, and unburdened pleasure. This structured approach contrasts with more informal encounters, emphasizing the role of conscious intentionality and the creation of a safe container for vulnerable expression. The party environment mirrors a therapeutic setting by creating a framework where individuals feel safe to explore their sexuality and connect with others.

The Therapist’s Role in Addressing Sexual Trauma and Desires

The podcast concludes with a discussion of the therapist’s role in addressing clients’ sexual experiences and desires. The therapists emphasize the importance of validating clients’ experiences, avoiding judgment, and allowing for exploration of even challenging or taboo desires. The use of IFS techniques, such as working with exiles, is highlighted as a method for addressing past trauma and promoting healing. The therapists advocate for a more inclusive and open approach to sexuality within the IFS framework.

Main points of the podcast

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
Alessio and Jude introduce themselves and their guest, Ali Bushel, setting the stage for an engaging discussion on therapy and sexuality.

02:20 Meet Ali Bushel
Ali shares his background as a therapist and author, discussing his work in internal family systems and his book, ‘The Sex Party Handbook.’

04:40 Exploring Passion and Connection
The conversation shifts to the themes of passion and connection in sexual relationships, highlighting the importance of understanding these dynamics in therapy.

09:00 The Burden of Sexuality
Ali discusses the historical challenges in therapy regarding sexuality, including the burdens and negative perceptions that often overshadow healthy sexual expression.

12:00 Unpacking Sexual Desires
The hosts reflect on the simplicity of sexual desire and how societal pressures complicate natural urges, leading to shame and internal conflict.

15:30 Burdens vs. Celebration
The discussion delves into the burdens carried by individuals regarding their sexuality and the need for a celebratory approach to understanding sexual desires.

19:00 Connection in Sexual Encounters
The hosts explore the nature of connection during sexual experiences, questioning how intimacy changes when sexual elements are introduced.

23:00 The Role of Passion
Ali shares personal experiences that illustrate the difference between burdened and Self-led sexual encounters, emphasising the role of passion in healthy connections.

27:01 Unlocking Passion
In this chapter, the conversation centres around the concept of passion and its significance in sexual encounters. The speakers explore how being present and connected can enhance the experience, moving beyond societal expectations.

29:12 Creating Safe Spaces
Ali shares insights into his structured sex parties, highlighting the importance of rules and expectations to foster a safe and enjoyable environment. Participants often leave feeling liberated and happy, showcasing the power of a well-organised experience.

32:01 Redefining Norms
The discussion shifts to the societal boxes that often define sexual interactions, with Ali emphasising the need for clarity and choice in sexual experiences. This chapter highlights how breaking free from these norms can lead to genuine connection and passion.

35:01 Therapy and Sexuality
Ali reflects on the parallels between the environment of his sex parties and his therapeutic practice, suggesting that the same openness can enhance therapy sessions. The conversation dives into how allowing clients to explore their sexuality can lead to profound healing.

39:01 Navigating Complex Emotions
The speakers discuss the challenges of addressing complex emotions in therapy, particularly when clients express desires that may be deemed socially unacceptable. Ali shares a powerful example of helping a client navigate their feelings around past trauma.

43:00 Trusting Intuition
This chapter delves into the importance of trusting one’s intuition in therapy, especially when dealing with sensitive topics like sexuality. The speakers emphasise the need for therapists to create a safe space for clients to express their true desires without judgement.

46:30 Closing Reflections
As the conversation wraps up, Ali and the hosts reflect on the richness of the discussion and the potential for future dialogues. They express gratitude for the opportunity to explore such important and often overlooked aspects of sexuality.

Queering IFS - Episode 4 - Queering the Self in IFS: where to begin (Part 1)

---

Key Points

The self in IFS is complex and multifaceted, with no single definition.

There is a continuum of self-energy; complete self-without-parts is unattainable.

Parts often contain self-energy and can be valuable allies in healing.

Avoid binary thinking (self vs. parts); see the interplay between them.

Use a curious, questioning approach, avoiding premature conclusions.

Consider the “map vs. terrain” analogy when assessing clients’ situations

---

Summary

Defining the Self in IFS

The conversation begins with an exploration of the Self within the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. Alessio and Jude acknowledge the difficulty in providing a definitive explanation of the Self, highlighting the lack of a single, universally accepted definition within the IFS framework. They explain that a common misconception is the pursuit of a state of complete unblending from parts. However, experienced practitioners suggest that complete unblending is impossible, aiming instead for a state of increased awareness and integration. This lack of a strict definition is not a problem, but rather highlights the fluid and complex nature of Self-energy within the IFS model.

The Interplay of Self and Parts

The discussion further examines the relationship between Self and parts. Jude introduces the concept of a continuum of Self-energy, explaining that our expereinces exist at various points along this spectrum and fluctuate throughout the day. This challenges the binary opposition of Self versus parts, arguing instead for a more nuanced understanding. They emphasize that parts often hold significant self-energy and can act as valuable resources in the therapeutic process. Overlooking this interconnectedness can hinder effective therapeutic work. The speakers stress the importance of recognizing that what appear to be merely “parts” might be containing significant self-energy and therefore shouldn’t be dismissed easily.

Mapping the Terrain: The Analogy of Map and Territory

The speakers introduce the helpful metaphor of a map and the terrain it represents to illustrate the therapeutic process. They highlight the potential for misinterpreting information, potentially leading to ineffective interventions. The example of someone experiencing physical discomfort due to overheating, which is mistaken for a psychological issue, serves as a cautionary tale. It is important not only to be curious, but to actively query a client’s experience to avoid imposing a preconceived map onto the actual terrain of their experience. This analogy underscores the importance of maintaining curiosity and a willingness to question assumptions, rather than rigidly adhering to pre-existing frameworks.

Conclusion

In their concluding remarks, the speakers emphasize the need for ongoing exploration and a collaborative approach to understanding the self within the context of neurodiversity, gender, and sexuality. They acknowledge the limitations of their own perspectives as white individuals and express a desire to include voices from other marginalized groups in future discussions. The conversation concludes by providing contact information, inviting listeners to reach out and share their thoughts and experiences.

Main points of the podcast

00:00 Welcome to the First Episode on Self in IFS (Internal Family Systems)
Jude and Alessio introduce the topic of the Self, setting the stage for an engaging discussion. They acknowledge the complexities of defining the Self and the importance of exploring this concept.

02:02 The Quest for Understanding the Self
The hosts discuss their personal motivations for exploring the Self, highlighting the multifaceted nature of this topic. They outline plans for future episodes focused on Self in relation to neurodivergence, sexuality, and gender.

04:46 Blending and Unblending: The Nature of Self
Alessio and Jude delve into the concept of blending and unblending within the Self, explaining how individuals are often more blended with their parts than they realise. They emphasise the importance of understanding this dynamic for personal growth and healing.

08:01 Self-Energy Within Parts
The conversation shifts to the idea that parts can possess their own Self-energy, which is crucial for a healthy system. They explore the implications of this understanding for therapy and personal development.

11:31 Navigating the Hardware and Software Analogy
Jude and Alessio discuss the hardware and software analogy in relation to neurodiversity and Self. They highlight the importance of not rigidly adhering to this framework, as real-life experiences are often more complex.

15:11 Mapping the Terrain of the Self
The hosts use the metaphor of a map and terrain to illustrate the challenges of understanding the Self. They stress the need for curiosity and flexibility in exploring personal experiences rather than imposing rigid definitions.

19:00 Inviting Diverse Perspectives
As the episode approaches its conclusion, Jude and Alessio acknowledge the limitations of their perspectives and express a desire to include voices from diverse backgrounds in future discussions. They invite listeners to engage and share their experiences.

Queering IFS - Episode 2 - Neurodiversity is not Parts!

In this podcast episode, Jude and I speak about the importance of considering neurodiversity, and neurodivergence, as a feature of the hard wiring of the system and not as a Part.

Core Points:

• Neurodiversity is a natural variation in human minds; it’s not a part within the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model.

• Neurodivergence significantly deviates from societal norms of cognitive functioning; this norm is a construct and changes over time.

• Several conditions fall under the neurodivergent umbrella (ADHD, autism, OCD, dyslexia, etc.), but this list is constantly expanding.

• Labelling neurodivergence as an “IFS part” is problematic; it implies a fixable problem rather than a fundamental aspect of the individual’s system.

• Therapists should approach discussions of neurodivergence with curiosity, not correction.

• Clients’ language about their neurodivergence might reflect societal burdens; therapists should explore this through compassionate inquiry.

00:00 Welcome to Neurodiversity
The hosts introduce the podcast and set the stage for a discussion on neurodiversity from an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, highlighting the importance of understanding different cognitive functioning.

00:30 Understanding Neurodiversity and Neurodivergence
The conversation delves into the definitions of neurodiversity and neurodivergence, explaining how these concepts relate to societal norms and the diversity of human minds.

03:00 The Expanding Umbrella of Neurodivergence
The hosts explore various forms of neurodivergence, discussing how conditions like OCD and hypermobility fit under the neurodivergent umbrella, and the evolving nature of these definitions.

06:00 The Importance of Personal Experience
The hosts reflect on their own experiences within the neurodivergent community, emphasising the significance of personal narratives and biases in understanding neurodiversity.

08:00 Common Neurodivergent Conditions
A list of well-known neurodivergent conditions is presented, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and others, while acknowledging the growing recognition of diverse experiences within this spectrum.

11:00 Neurodiversity in Therapy
The hosts discuss a chapter from a book on integrating IFS with neurodivergent clients, highlighting the importance of understanding neurodivergence as a fundamental aspect rather than a part of the self.

14:00 Neurodivergence vs. Parts in IFS
The conversation shifts to the distinction between neurodivergence and IFS parts, exploring the implications of labelling neurodivergent traits as ‘parts’ and the potential therapeutic pitfalls of this approach.

20:00 Compassion and Understanding in Therapy
The hosts emphasise the need for compassion towards neurodivergent experiences, discussing how therapists can support clients in understanding their neurodivergence as a feature of their system.

25:00 Curiosity in Therapeutic Conversations
The importance of curiosity in therapy is highlighted, with the hosts discussing how therapists can navigate conversations about neurodivergence without imposing their interpretations on clients.