Queer Joy: An Act of Resistance and Celebration
Queer joy. The words themselves can spark a warmth, a sense of recognition. But what exactly is it? And why is it so vital for our well-being, especially within queer and neurodivergent communities? In this exploration, we delve into the profound meaning of queer joy, its roots in resistance, and how it manifests in our lives. We’ll look at how Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help us connect with and express this vital part of ourselves.
The conversation began with Alessio and Jude on their podcast, “Queering IFS.” They introduced the topic of queer joy with palpable enthusiasm. Alessio shared how the concept resonated deeply, particularly after encountering it at a conference and considering running a group around it. Jude immediately connected with the idea, recalling a poster that declared, “Queer joy is an act of resistance.” This simple statement ignited a shared understanding of joy as a powerful affirmation of self.
Understanding Queer Joy
Queer joy isn’t just about happiness; it’s a specific flavour of delight that arises from existing authentically as a queer person. It’s the affirmation of one’s identity in a world that has historically sought to suppress it. This joy is often born from overcoming adversity and celebrating the parts of ourselves that make us unique.
Jude articulated this beautifully: “I think joy as an act of resistance, and I think the idea of queer joy, the celebration in that of identities and the choice to be joyful rather than somehow apologetic or ashamed of who you are and your identity are powerful” This highlights the conscious decision to embrace joy, even when societal pressures might encourage otherwise.
Joy as Self-Energy
Within the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS), joy is understood as an expression of “Self-energy.” This is the innate, core essence of who we are – calm, compassionate, curious, confident, courageous, clear, and creative. When our system is in a state of joy, it’s a sign that our Self is present and expressing itself.
However, parts of our system, often protectors, can learn to block or censor this expression.
Queer Joy as an Act of Resistance
The idea that queer joy is an act of resistance is a powerful one. For centuries, queer individuals have faced stigma, discrimination, and violence. In such an environment, simply existing, celebrating one’s identity, and experiencing genuine happiness becomes a profound act of defiance.
Jude’s mention of the “Queer joy is an act of resistance” poster underscores this point. It’s a statement that reclaiming joy is a deliberate choice to push back against oppressive forces. This isn’t about aggression; it’s about an unyielding affirmation of self-worth and the right to happiness. As Alessio put it, “It’s an affirmation of being who you are, despite the world might not want you to feel that way.”
Navigating Internalised Shame
Often, the parts that block joy are those that have absorbed societal judgments. These protectors may fear that expressing joy, especially in a visibly queer or neurodivergent way, will lead to rejection or harm. Alessio shared an experience of feeling shame when discovering a common interest with a colleague: “If I’m joyful about something and no one else is, it becomes so shameful to be the only one that finds a certain thing joyful.”
This illustrates how even within seemingly accepting spaces, internalised shame can operate. The fear of standing out, of being different, can lead to parts censoring our authentic expressions of joy. IFS therapy helps identify these protective parts and understand their fears, allowing for the gentle release of these blocks.
The Nuances of Queer Joy
Queer joy is not monolithic; it encompasses a vast spectrum of experiences. It can be found in the smallest, most personal moments or in grand, collective celebrations. The key is its connection to queer identity and the liberation that comes from expressing it.
Micro-Moments of Joy
Sometimes, queer joy appears in the quietest of moments. Jude shared a powerful example: “Well, when I suppose a time when I feel queer joy on my own, but it’s always in relation to someone else, is when someone uses my pronouns.” The simple act of being seen and affirmed can be a profound source of joy.
Similarly, Alessio highlighted the significance of small affirmations: “Thank you for the word tiny, because sometimes it could be someone entering into a pub with a trans flag, or a trans t-shirt, or just with a little flag. It could be those small moments that you go, wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.” These moments signify safety, recognition, and a sense of belonging.
Collective Celebrations
On a larger scale, queer joy thrives in community. Pride parades, queer film festivals, and gatherings of LGBTQIA+ individuals are potent examples of collective joy. These events offer a shared space for affirmation, visibility, and celebration.
Alessio pondered whether queer joy requires community, suggesting, “I wonder if we can ever feel joy on our own, or if queer joy requires the queer community to be shared.” The answer seemed to lean towards a profound connection with community, even if the initial spark is individual.
This resonance is key. When we see our experiences reflected in others, whether through shared identity, similar struggles, or mutual understanding, it validates our own existence. Jude’s experience with their name and pronouns illustrates this: “When I hear someone I haven’t seen for a while using my name or using my pronouns, I have that moment of like, that’s me. Yes. And that feels joyful.”
Community as Liberation
Historically, queer communities have formed as havens, places where individuals could be their authentic selves without fear of judgment. This sense of belonging is crucial for cultivating joy. Alessio noted how, for some, community engagement is a predictor of mental health improvement, though this isn’t always the case if the community itself perpetuates harm.
However, the ideal of a queer community is one of liberation and celebration of diverse expressions. When this is achieved, it becomes a powerful force for well-being. Jude described this communal joy as “the joy of being recognised. There’s a joy of resonance. There’s a joy of safety.”
IFS and Unblocking Queer Joy
Internal Family Systems offers a powerful lens through which to understand and work with the blocks that prevent us from fully experiencing and expressing queer joy. The core principle is that our system, composed of various “parts,” works to protect us. When these parts have learned that joy or its expression is unsafe, they will intervene.
Releasing Constraints with IFS
IFS therapy works by helping individuals understand these protective parts without judgment. By approaching these parts with the curiosity and compassion of the Self, we can help them release their burdens. Alessio suggested that IFS can help “with the idea of constraints because the joy is there. I don’t think we need to cultivate it or empower it. It is there, blocked.”
The goal is not to force joy but to remove the internal obstacles that are preventing its natural flow. This involves:
Witnessing protective parts: Understanding their intentions and the experiences that led them to their roles.
Unburdening parts: Helping them release the emotions and beliefs that keep them stuck.
Accessing Self-energy: Allowing the calm, compassionate, and creative Self to lead.
Reintegrating joy: Enabling the natural expression of joy, both internally and externally.
The Power of Unmasked Joy
The concept of “unmasked joy” emerged as a potent descriptor. It’s the raw, authentic expression of happiness that comes from shedding the layers of societal expectation and internalised shame. This is particularly relevant for neurodivergent and queer individuals who often navigate worlds that demand masking.
Jude posited, “So queer joy is like unmasked joy?” Alessio agreed, linking it to the defiant spirit of “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.” This unmasked joy is about taking up space, not in an aggressive way, but simply by existing authentically and joyfully. It’s the freedom to be fully oneself without apology.
This unmasking is a radical act, especially when societal norms dictate otherwise. Alessio stated, “And it’s a statement of power that this joy cannot be taken away from me. You can oppress me as much as you want, but I can still be joyful.” This resilience is at the heart of queer joy.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Queer Joy
Queer joy is more than just an emotion; it’s a vital affirmation of existence, a form of resistance, and a profound expression of Self. It reminds us of the beauty and strength found in our authentic identities, particularly within marginalised communities.
The journey to embracing queer joy often involves navigating internal blocks and societal pressures. IFS provides a framework for understanding and healing these internal landscapes, allowing us to connect with our innate capacity for joy. Whether in grand celebrations or quiet moments of recognition, queer joy is a powerful force that enriches our lives and strengthens our communities.
The invitation is to explore what brings you joy, to notice the small sparks, and to allow your authentic Self to express it. As Alessio asks, “What makes you joyful?” By honouring these sources of joy, we engage in a powerful act of self-love and resilience. As Jude and Alessio demonstrate through their podcast, sharing and discussing these experiences amplifies that joy, creating a ripple effect within the wider community.
