Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a profound framework for understanding human psychology. The model maps the internal landscape through parts and Self-energy. However, standard training protocols often assume a neurotypical and cis-heteronormative baseline. When therapists meet clients holding intersecting neurodivergent and queer identities, standard protocols require mindful adjustment. Alessio and Jude explore these vital adaptations in their podcast, “Queering IFS.”
Therapists often encounter clients who find traditional IFS steps difficult to follow. Rigid adherence to a linear therapeutic sequence creates unnecessary pressure. Neurodivergent systems process information differently. Queer systems carry specific histories of marginalisation and relational strain. Adapting IFS means deconstructing the standard model and rebuilding it with inclusivity at the centre. Therapists are encouraged to shift from rigid protocol execution to deep relational attunement.
Deconstructing Traditional IFS for Neurodivergent Minds
IFS training programmes often teach a precise sequence. Clients close their eyes, locate a target part, and follow internal pathways. This linear approach works well for many individuals. Yet, autistic and ADHD systems frequently experience these instructions as overwhelming. Jude notes that teaching a teachable model requires simplification. This pruning process can accidentally exclude neurodivergent ways of experiencing the mind.
Alessio highlights the importance of recognising access fatigue in neurodivergent clients.
When a therapeutic model demands too much sensory or cognitive translation, clients burn out. They try hard to get the therapy right. They shape their internal reporting to match what they think the therapist wants to hear. Deconstructing the model allows therapists to remove these hidden barriers.
Therapists must examine their own internal parts. When a therapist feels anxious because a client cannot find a target part immediately, that anxiety belongs to the therapist. Alessio points out that this dynamic creates a therapist problem rather than a client problem. Letting go of rigid pacing allows neurodivergent clients the time they need for cognitive and verbal processing.
Redefining Self-Energy Through a Neuro-Queer Lens
The concept of Self-energy sits at the heart of IFS.
Traditional descriptions suggest Self feels calm, courageous, and clear. Yet, neurodivergent and queer lived experiences often disrupt these expected markers. Jude raises a crucial question about whether the felt sense of Self matches textbook definitions. Systems operating outside neurotypical norms may experience Self-energy quite differently.
Forcing a client to fit a specific template of Self-energy invalidates their authentic experience.
When a client expresses excitement, hyperfocus, or rapid verbal processing, therapists might mislabel these states as parts-led activity. Jude describes needing to talk out loud to make sense of the world. This verbal flow represents the client being fully themselves rather than a storytelling part that needs silencing.
Therapists should remain curious instead of imposing assumptions. Asking a client when they feel most like themselves opens a safer doorway. This approach validates the client’s internal reality. It ensures that recognition of Self-energy arises from the individual system rather than external therapeutic dogma.
Respecting Diverse Processing Styles and Communication Needs
Communication styles vary dramatically across neurodivergent populations. Some individuals process internally before speaking. Others, like Jude, rely on external verbal processing to discover what they think. Traditional therapeutic expectations around quiet reflection can disrupt this natural flow.
When a therapist mistakes verbal processing for defensive chatter, the therapeutic alliance fractures. Jude emphasises the necessity of the therapeutic relationship as a primary container. The relational bond holds more therapeutic weight than any single technique or protocol step. If a client needs to keep their eyes open during a session, the therapist should welcome this choice. Closing eyes can cause disorientation for certain neurodivergent nervous systems.
Allowing clients to engage in therapy on their own terms builds profound trust. Therapists learn to follow the client’s lead rather than steering them toward a predetermined outcome. This flexibility honours the client’s autonomy and respects their nervous system.
Honouring All Parts Within the System
A common pitfall in IFS practice involves rushing toward unburdening exile parts. This goal-oriented mindset can alienate protector parts within the system. Jude issues a strong reminder about the value of every single part. Protectors hold essential survival functions and deserve deep appreciation.
Treating protectors merely as obstacles to remove does a disservice to the client. Every part matters equally within an IFS framework. When therapists focus exclusively on reaching exile parts, they overlook the daily work carried out by managers and firefighters. Neuro-queer clients often maintain complex protective systems shaped by navigating hostile environments.
Validating all parts creates safety within the therapeutic space. Clients learn that no part of their experience is wrong or unwanted. This radical acceptance aligns closely with the core philosophy of IFS while honouring diverse lived realities.
Practical Steps for Therapists and Clients
Adapting IFS requires ongoing reflection, practice, and peer collaboration. Alessio recommends separating initial model learning from direct client application. Therapists benefit from practising with peers in supervision groups before introducing adaptations to clients. This preparation prevents therapists from relying on rigid protocols when encountering complex systems.
Clients also benefit from understanding that their therapy journey will look unique. No single way to experience IFS is correct. Whether therapy involves traditional visualisation or open-eyed dialogue, the primary driver of healing remains human connection.
Podcasts like “Queering IFS” offer valuable spaces for exploration. Practitioners and clients can find community validation and fresh perspectives. By embracing nuance and flexibility, therapists can offer truly inclusive care.
Contacts and credits
Alessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS Institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) — www.therapywithalessio.com
Jude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) — www.anchoredinself.co.uk
Sound editing by Forbes Coleman
