Discover access fatigue: the exhaustion from navigating spaces not built for you. Learn to identify, understand, and address this challenge in work, life, and therapy.
Access Fatigue: Understanding and Navigating the Exhaustion
We’ve all felt it. That creeping exhaustion, the dull ache of having to constantly explain ourselves, adapt, or push for basic needs to be met. This isn’t just general tiredness; it’s a specific kind of weariness known as access fatigue. It’s the silent toll exacted when navigating a world that wasn’t designed with you in mind. This podcast episode, “Queering IFS,” hosted by psychotherapists Alessio Rizzo and Jude Carn, delves into this pervasive issue. They unpack what access fatigue is, how it manifests, and its profound impact on our well-being, particularly for those who identify as neurodivergent, queer, disabled, or exist at the intersection of multiple marginalised identities.
What is Access Fatigue?
The term “access fatigue” was coined by Annika Conrad in 2021. It describes the exhaustion experienced when repeatedly having to negotiate, justify, explain, or manage one’s needs in environments that are not inherently accommodating. Jude elaborates, stating it’s
“The fatigue, it’s the exhaustion that comes from repeatedly having to negotiate or justify or explain or manage your needs in spaces not built for you.”
This isn’t a new phenomenon, but having a name for it provides a crucial framework for understanding and addressing it.
This fatigue touches upon numerous aspects of identity and experience. It encompasses the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in a neurotypical world, queer individuals in heteronormative spaces, and disabled people in an ableist society. Jude also notes its connection to those who struggle to be productive within a capitalist framework, highlighting the breadth of its impact.
The definition of access fatigue isn’t always straightforward. Both Alessio and Jude acknowledge that each person will have their own understanding and experience of it. As Alessio puts it, “it’s the exhaustion that comes from repeatedly having to negotiate or justify or explain or manage your needs in spaces not built for you.” This personal resonance often leads to those “light bulb moments” when the term is introduced, underscoring how widespread the experience is.
The concepts of “access” and “fatigue” are individually significant. Access, in this context, refers to the ease or difficulty with which individuals can enter, participate in, or benefit from certain spaces, opportunities, or systems. This disparity can be influenced by social class, race, and other characteristics, creating inherent dynamics of inclusion and exclusion.
The effort involved is significant. It’s about the constant “efforting” required to simply navigate daily life. This burden can be amplified by geographical location and differing legal frameworks. Alessio contrasts experiences in Italy, where trust in basic accommodations might be lower, with countries where laws mandate certain provisions. The level of access fatigue can vary immensely depending on whether one needs to ascertain if accommodations exist or simply confirm their functionality.
Access fatigue can manifest in various ways, impacting professional life, social interactions, and even therapeutic relationships. The core issue lies in the demand placed on individuals to advocate for their needs, often in situations where their identity is already a point of marginalisation.
The Risk of Asking
A significant aspect of access fatigue is the inherent risk associated with asking for needs to be met. Jude highlights this from a parts perspective within Internal Family Systems (IFS). “Every time I have to ask to get my needs met, I’m also thinking that it might be a place of high anxiety for me because there’s a risk there.” This anxiety stems from the potential for being perceived as awkward, difficult, or uncooperative. Asking for accommodations often requires others to expend additional effort, which can lead to friction or negative reactions.
This dynamic can have career implications. Alessio points out how individuals might be overlooked for positions or responsibilities simply because advocating for their needs makes them appear to be the one who speaks up or asks for too much. The internal debate of whether to speak up, facing potential negative interpretations and surprised reactions, is a form of access fatigue in itself. Will people remain curious and accepting, or will their response be one of misunderstanding?
The struggle to be understood and accepted is a recurring theme. Alessio describes experiencing access fatigue within the IFS community itself, particularly regarding “legacy protocols” involving connecting with ancestors. When these ancestral figures are perceived as homophobic, Alessio experiences the fatigue of needing to manage their own internal parts bothered by this, adding an extra layer of work that is often unnoticed by others. Voicing this concern has, in the past, been met with a lack of engagement, leaving the issue unresolved.
This is often because addressing such issues requires effort from others. Jude notes that when someone points out that a practice isn’t accommodating them, “it’s on them.” As a result, individuals may choose to endure the fatigue or disengage rather than pursue the difficult path of advocating for change.
The Tightrope Walk
Many individuals find themselves walking an “access tightrope.” This involves the constant wondering of whether to ask for needs to be met, knowing the potential fallout. Jude describes this as a precarious balance: “Yes, you might get your needs met, but often even if you do, there’s going to be a bit of friction in the process.” Other potential outcomes include dismissive responses like “we’ll look into that,” which often lead to no action, or inconsistent support where needs are met one day but not the next.
The alternative to asking is withholding, disengaging, or walking away. However, this leaves the individual unsupported or unable to access opportunities. The persistent burden of requesting, chasing, and reminding across multiple areas of life contributes to significant stress. Alessio remarks, “And then we are surprised by the statistics that say the minorities are more stressed. Well, of course we are.” This is a direct consequence of the cumulative impact of access fatigue.
Access Fatigue and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model
The Internal Family Systems model offers a valuable lens for examining access fatigue. Both Alessio and Jude, as IFS therapists, bring their unique perspectives to this discussion.
Within IFS, “protector” parts often develop strategies to shield the person from perceived threats or distress. Access fatigue can be seen as the immense, often invisible, labour undertaken by these protectors. They manage the constant need to navigate non-accommodating environments, shield the individual from potential rejection, and translate internal needs into external requests.
Alessio describes how their own parts sometimes hesitate to speak up about access issues for fear of appearing challenging. This is a protector part managing the risk of negative reception. Jude elaborates on the “hard-working managers” who are “tired” and “bearing the access fatigue.” This fatigue is not abstract; it’s the result of sustained effort to ensure the well-being of the system.
Updating Protectors in Therapy
A common therapeutic intervention in IFS involves “updating” protectors, helping them recognise that the current situation is different from the past, thereby allowing them to relax their vigilance. However, with access fatigue, the external threat or challenge might still be very active. Jude poses the critical question: “What do we do when the threat, the danger, the thing the parts are still having to work to protect against is still very active?”
This highlights a key challenge: if the external environment continues to present the same barriers and require the same exhausting negotiations, simply validating the protector’s past efforts may not be enough. The system may continue to experience access fatigue because the very conditions that necessitate the fatigue persist. Alessio elaborates that this can make the process of unburdening a system difficult when the outside world continuously replicates the experiences that created the burden.
The Non-Neutrality of Therapy
The discussion of access fatigue inevitably leads to the understanding that therapy itself is not a neutral space. This non-neutrality stems from how societal norms, biases, and power dynamics filter into the therapeutic relationship and the theoretical models used.
For therapists, recognising the non-neutrality of therapy is a “lifetime’s work.” It involves understanding how their own identities, biases, and privilege might impact the therapeutic encounter, and how the very frameworks they use might inadvertently perpetuate access fatigue for clients. This awareness is crucial for fostering a truly inclusive and affirming therapeutic environment.
Addressing Access Fatigue: Towards Greater Awareness and Shared Responsibility
Understanding access fatigue is the first step towards alleviating its impact. The goal is not to assign blame but to foster awareness and encourage shared responsibility.
Jude emphasises that the conversation around access fatigue is about bringing to light the “invisible work” and “invisible labour” that many individuals undertake daily. It’s about acknowledging the “tightropes that people are on” and fostering respect and understanding. This perspective aims to shift the burden from being solely on the marginalised or disabled individual to a more shared responsibility within communities and institutions.
The intention is not to point fingers or assign blame. Alessio reinforces this, stating, “It’s more about information, giving voice, giving exposure to those who want to learn more and see more.” By understanding the lived experiences of others, we can create more supportive and inclusive environments.
Simple acts of conscious care can make a significant difference in mitigating access fatigue. Jude mentions the impact of a therapist remembering a client’s preference for lighting in the therapy room. This seemingly small gesture can be deeply validating, especially when consistent accommodation is rare. Such acts demonstrate genuine care and remembrance, counteracting the experience of being unseen or having to constantly re-explain oneself.
Alessio shares an experience of leadership where they proactively asked participants about their needs for a training course. The response was overwhelmingly positive, with many expressing surprise and gratitude that their needs were considered. This highlights how a simple, direct inquiry can dismantle barriers and foster a sense of belonging.
Deconstructing Normativity
The concept of access fatigue challenges the notion of a universal norm. What is considered “normal” or “obvious” in one context can be revolutionary for someone else. This underscores the importance of being mindful of diverse experiences and adapting environments accordingly.
This also extends to the way we conduct therapy. Jude advocates for neurodivergent-affirming therapy, emphasising that simple acts like remembering client preferences can have a profound impact. When a client doesn’t have to constantly ask for their needs to be met, it frees up mental and emotional energy, allowing them to engage more fully in the therapeutic process.
Conclusion: Moving Forward with Empathy
Access fatigue is a pervasive and often invisible burden carried by many. It’s the cumulative exhaustion from navigating a world that frequently fails to accommodate diverse needs. By understanding its definition, manifestations, and impact, particularly through lenses like Internal Family Systems, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that create this fatigue.
The journey involves recognising the invisible labour involved, fostering empathy, and cultivating a sense of shared responsibility. It calls for creating spaces where needs are not an afterthought but are actively considered and met. As Alessio and Jude conclude, this conversation is about providing voice and exposure, encouraging a deeper understanding and a move towards more inclusive practices in all aspects of life, including therapy. If this conversation activates something in you, it might be an opportunity for self-reflection and further learning.
